A Game of No Halves

Winning a skittles match can be achieved in a number of different ways. The long slog of a hard-fought match which goes to the wire. Sneaking a win with the final few throws after trailing miserably all the way. Fielding a good team helps of course...

Sometimes you just have to turn up to win, and such was our away match at the Spread Eagle in Cottingham last week. Gracious as I am in defeat, and humble on the rare occasion of a victory, I feel unable to take any of the credit for this our 8th win of the season. Neither for that matter can Kev, Alec, Jo, John C, John R, Jim, or team captain Fiona 'Uncle Tom Cobbley & All' Barby. The fact is we were gifted the win through a lucky combination of circumstances, chief of which was the non-appearance of most of the Spread Eagle team... Err.. Yay!

Shame really, we were all looking forward to a game, and besides, it was a hard climb up the hill to Cottingham, with valuable drinking time and shoe-leather lost on the way. In the event we bid a hasty retreat to the Red Lion for a nail-bitingly tense game of 'Killer', which Kev won..... naturally!

A word about Kevin's victory celebrations! Running around the bar, arms aloft, shirt over his head like some over payed South American footballer, quite rightly drew a few tut-tuts from the shocked crowd. The rules are clear on this one: 'In the act of Skittling, arms should never be raised above shoulder level (unless to facilitate the drinking of beer or cider)', and in particular: 'Skittlers will conduct themselves in a Gentlemanly and Sportsmanlike manner before, during, and after the match, (unless they're Ladies, in which case anything goes)'.

This isn't the first time we've seen such gross acts of triumphalism during a skittles match. Standards are slipping. The 'Beautiful Game' (of skittles) is facing its watershed moment. Will it go the way of football, all loutish behaviour, gamesmanship, and Mexican Waves in the bar. Or will we try to nip this 'modern disease' in the bud before Skittles as a competitive game is ruined by these mindless 'Winners'. A stiff nod of the head, a sensible shake of the hand, and a gruff 'Well Played' are all the celebrations required in a game of skittles.

It's high time we showed the lead before things get completely out of hand, and with this in mind, I've started a campaign to 'Stamp Out Fun in Skittles'. I urge you now to make this solemn pledge, 'Win or lose, there's no place for pleasure in Table Skittles'. Pass it on...

Next Match (Home): Desborough Services Club 'B' (6th July)

Spread Legs in Cottingham

Anticipation is building ahead of this weeks 'local derby' match at the Spread Eagle, Cottingham. The Red Lion Tuesday League team go into the match with confidence at an all time 'moderate' after last weeks narrow escape against the Market Harborough Catholic Club 'B' team.

An epic game of nip-and-tuck was brought to a thrilling conclusion by team captain Fiona 'Dancing Queen' Barby. With everything to play for, and the post-match supper tantalisingly out of reach, Fiona stepped up to the plate and delivered the coup de grâce and our 7th victory of the season. Now that's what I call leading from the rear...

The Beer Leg proved a throw too far, and the less said about my own shoddy performance the better..... in fact I've said too much already.....

Special mention must go to resident Carling shareholder Linsey, who was playing... then he wasn't... then he was, which is hardly the kind of preparation a man needs ahead of such an important game. When asked about the current 'last-minute' selection process employed for the Tuesday team, captain Fiona said 'If it's good enough for Fabio and the England football team, it's good enough for me.....' Oh Dear!

I must put on record that I've volunteered to drive the team to this weeks away match. Never let it be said that I don't pull my weight in the 'driving to away match' stakes. Admittedly I can't commit to driving anyone back home again, but the offer's there, it's well intentioned, and comes with virtually no strings attached... When I've extracted the current mileage rate from Fiona I'll be happy to firm the offer up and put it in writing.

Next Match (Away): Spread Eagle, Cottingham - Tomorrow

How it Stands...

...or rather, how it stood a few weeks ago. Much skittling water has flowed under the table since these were printed. Red Lion 'B' beat Red Lion 'A' last Friday for example, and of course we (by which I mean 'them') won on Tuesday to give 6 wins from 7. Mr Jim 'King Pin' Mcqueenie may also hold joint first for a highest score of 18 in the Tuesday league.
Here's a nice feature from BBC Radio Northampton when they went Skittling at the Foresters Arms, Nether Heyford way back in 2006. Click on the 'Hear how it went...' link to listen to the feature: Monday Night Sport vs Northants Skittles

The Secret to Success - Pt.1

Another hard-fought win just over the border in Leicestershire last night. The Beer Leg in particular went to the wire, with a little bit of luck swinging the result the Red Lion way. It's now 'Played 7, won 6'. Woo-Hoo!

Whilst it would be true to say that Red Lion stalwarts Jo, John and Kev were the high-scoring stars of the evening, I feel I must highlight my own crucial role in the success of the team. I don't think it would be too much of an exaggeration to say the successful outcome of last nights game was largely the result of my own humble position in the team. Oh yes! Credit where credit's due, I played a blinder. A steady, solid performance at the bar, combined with morale-boosting support for our team mates at the table. A cool head throughout the match, my concentration rarely wavered from start to nail-biting finish. What a performance!

You'll probably have guessed by now that I was unceremoniously dropped from the team last night...

I knew it was coming. You really can't play with such a combination of 'gross mediocrity' and 'total lack of consistency' (Kev's words, not mine) without the prospect of being (ahem!) 'rested'. Fair play to team captain Fiona 'Still a bit Hungover from Sunday' Barby, who's ruthless hacking and slashing of the team over the last few months have gotten us where we are today. When asked to comment on the current team selection, Fiona said '...it's my ruthless Hacking & Slashing of the team that's got us where we are today...' before putting a large cross against my name for showing dissent.

Anyway. Practice! Practice! Practice! That's the game plan. With practice comes improvement. With practice comes the chance of redemption. With practice comes the opportunity to try more of the Red Lion's ex-Beer Festival stock... I'm committed, I'm determined, I'm ready to force my way back into the Red Lion Tuesday 'B' Skittles Team. 'I must, I must, Improve my Thrust; I must, I must....'

Beer Report:

The Shoulder of Mutton resides in the pretty village of Great Bowden. The village is home to a couple of pubs, a tidy village green, an expensive Deli, and the kennels of the Fernie Hunt hounds. I think you get the picture...

Marstons Pedigree and Black Sheep Bitter are the usual offerings at the Shoulder of Mutton, both of which were in good nick. There's usually a Guest Beer too. We'd just missed Fullers London Pride by the looks of it (no great loss for me, I'm not too keen on London brown beers), but ready to come on was something more interesting from a Derby micro. What it was I'll never know, as it still wasn't pouring by the time we left for home. C'est La Vie.

Next (Away) Match: Catholic Club 'B', Market Harborough (22nd June)

It's Oh So Quiet...

The Red Lion Tuesday skittles team snooze quietly in a corner of the bar...

This week we have a Bye in the Knockout Cup so no skittling action again. Just as well really, it was always going to be difficult throwing cheeses over hay bales and beer barrels in the Red Lion bar! The venerable skittles table is being decommissioned for the duration of the forthcoming Welland Valley Beer Festival. A wise decision I think, copious quantities of real ale and traditional cider don't generally mix well with the throwing of lumps of wood around the bar.

In the absence of any developments in the Market Harborough Tuesday League, here's the first of an occasional series, 'Skittles Tables of Northamptonshire & Leicestershire'. Enjoy...

Cherry Tree, Little Bowden, Market Harborough

Next Game: Shoulder of Mutton, Great Bowden (Away)