Another Win. No Bull!

So we finally made it to Arthingworth, a fair-weather destination close to absolutely nowhere in particular. John took us on another fabulous rollercoaster ride down narrow, potholed lanes, winding our way through snow-flecked fields to the cosy Bulls Head, a pub with a reputation for fine ales and the worlds smallest skittling area... possibly.

So isolated is the village of Arthingworth that it's frequently offered as an explanation for the large number of Byes in the Tuesday Harborough League. Rumours abound of hapless skittles teams setting off for the Bulls Head, blithely entering the mysterious area known locally as the Arthingworth Rectangle, never to be seen again...

It's a strange and spooky stretch of countryside for sure. A place of eerie flickering lights in the night and other strange spectral happenings. Some say it's the work of wicked Will 'O Wisps, bearing their guttering Faerie Candles in the dark, sent to lure unwary travellers to their doom. A more prosaic explanation... A hopelessly lost Northants Skittler, vainly attempting to light a roll-up at another baffling crossroads. Who knows. One thing's for sure, Sat-Nav won't help you here. The notorious Arthingworth Rectangle, a place even Google Street View fear to go...

Unexplained 'Cheese Shaped' object photographed over Arthingworth last Tuesday

Once in the safety of the Slaughtered Lamb.... er, Bulls Head, a warm welcome and a pint of Thwaites Lancaster Bomber or Original awaited (the Batemans had just gone, Bah!). Expectations were high, the Bulls Head being a regular Good Beer Guide entry, and whilst I wouldn't say that Thwaites beers set my heart racing, they were certainly in fine fettle on the night.

The skittles table is a fine old specimen, wedged in the corner of a small games room off the main bar. Set on the diagonal, possibly as an aid to banish evil spirits, though more likely to help achieve the minimum throwing distance. A difficult table to get the hang of, though some did (yes, that's you Kev). Needless to say I didn't, throwing 5's, 7's and everything in between. We won, and helped boost the Beer Leg fund too. Team captain Fiona 'You're All Dropped' Barby was so pleased with the performance she's given the whole team two weeks off for a spot of R&R. Yay!

We also managed to find our way home... Phew!

Table Skittles Tables

Here's the latest standings in the Market Harborough Tuesday League. As you can see, we're currently second in the B Section, with a long, long way to go, and an awful lot of beer to be drunk until the end of the season.

Home & Away

Home, as we all know, is where the heart is. Home is where we lay our heads after a hard day's work. Home is also where we play skittles every other week. Yes, once a fortnight we call the Red Lion Middleton 'Home', and like all good homely people, we like to invite the neighbours round for a drink, a bite to eat....... and a game of skittles! This week we played host to the ladies and gentlemen of the Desborough Services Club, a place they also like to call 'Home' on occasion.

Now a home match is one we would expect to win, given home advantage and all that. But expectation can bring with it additional pressure. The pressure to win, multiplied by the expectation that you should win, all too frequently equals an inability to hit the table, least of all any skittles! There! That's my excuse out of the way...

Of course the beauty of a team game like skittles, is that chronic underachievers like myself can sometimes get away with a poor night's skittling, by dint of the dazzling talent around them. Which is precisely what happened last night, with fine performances from resident Carling shareholder Linsey the Leg, and our team captain, recently released from kitchen bondage, Fiona 'You're all in my Little Black Book now' Barby, amongst others. Needless to say, I threw with the dexterity and skill of a blind jellyfish, rarely ascending above the skittling foothills of '7', but as a team we still managed a decent win, and an unexpected Beer-Leg whitewash. Yay!

Here's a short video of veteran team member James '100 different throws' McQueenie, the worse for a half pint of Rockingham Forest Cider, and overseeing a throw at the end of the evening. Look more closely and you'll notice something really quite remarkable... No, not the twin beams of light bouncing off the newly polished skittles table and Jim's finely polished forehead. Look to the left... Yes, it's the (in)famous Red Lion notice board, rescued from the ignominy of the pub cellar, and restored to it's rightful place in the bar. Enjoy.

Beer Report

It was a Great Oakley-Doakley theme night at the Red Lion, with a moreish Wot's Occuring, and the heavyweight champion of the stouts Abbey Stoat on offer. Kev's special mix, Stoat's Occuring was also available, a devilishly moreish stout/ale combo in the style of an old-fangled Pint 'O' Mixed. A good one for the undecided imbiber, a kind of beery Coalition if you like. Cheers!

Next Match (Away): Bulls Head, Arthingworth

Lads Night Out

What a night! What a bloody night!

It all started with a few practice throws and a pre-load pint of Great Oakley Wot's Occuring at the Red Lion, Middleton. The beer was in fine form, the skittles were falling to order, and things were looking good...

Then on to the Conservative Club, Rothwell. Our usual driver, Fiona 'Where's My Scones' Barby, was still serving time in the Red Lion kitchen, so John 'Glasses Optional' Rennie treated us to a high-speed rollercoaster ride on roads less travelled. Dodging tender young Muntjac, and pot-roast-able Pheasants, we careered down the potholed back roads of rural Northamptonshire. Somehow we conspired to miss both, so the Red Lion Game Supper is on hold for another week...

The Conny Club is a fine old edifice in the heart of historic Rothwell. Busy for a Tuesday, and all-of-a-click with the sound of Dominoes, and the serious business of competitive Cribbage. The Skittles table is tucked away in a corner, presided over by a formidable portrait of Her Royal Highness, Lady Thatcher of Grantham. The skittles were visibly trembling under her sour gaze. I considered asking whether this somewhat off-putting portrait could be turned round for the night, but thought better of it on this historic night for Tory's of all persuasions, even the Conservative ones! Apparently, the Lady's Not For Turning...

Thankfully, there was nothing sour about the ales on offer. Greene King IPA, Adnams Broadside, and Caledonian Flying Dutchman, a pleasant Wit Beer from somewhere up north of the border. Northamptonshire clubland surprises me again, and beer wins the day once more!

The skittles? Ah yes!... We lost... Quite badly actually, though the Beer Leg was a closer run thing. Oh well! A good night on the beer, Gordon Brown finally does the right thing, two out of three ain't bad!

Next Match (Home): Services Club 'B', Desborough

Local Derby

The Spread Eagle, Cottingham came to play this evening. Ever so slightly short on numbers, but full of Vim, Vigour, and all the fighting spirit you'd expect from a team barely a cheese-throw from the Red Lion. A real 'Local Derby', and a grand night out.

For my part, the skittling was very poor. Almost whupped by a plucky young Spread Eagle novice who deserved more from the game than she got. I hit the front, sailed over the table, went through the middle, and approached the whole match like the proverbial Rabbit in the Headlight. My Hutch was well and truly rattled...

This Rabbit didn't disappear into it's burrow though. Oh No! Cometh the Beer Leg, cometh the... err!... Bunny! From somewhere deep down (alright, that's enough rabbity/burrow nonsense) I managed to find some form and throw a few decent cheeses. Never has the cry of 'About Time Too...' been so appropriate. I doubt this will save me from the ignominy of being 'dropped' for next weeks game. My averages were very poor indeed, and when Fiona 'The Pinny' Barby runs her slide-rule over the figures, well, it's only a matter of time before the chopper quite literally chops, and I'm reduced to supping beer on the sidelines without so much as a cheese to my name. Actually, come to think of it, this doesn't sound too bad...

Beer Report - Red Lion, Middleton

Great Oakley Wot's Occuring was in fine form as ever, with the Mocha-tastic Delapre Dark available for dark ale fans. Rockinghm Forest Cider was still considered too strong for regular Skittles fun.

Averaging Out

It can only be a good thing that Fiona 'The Last Word' Barby has introduced an averaging system to the Red Lion Tuesday team. On any given night, the two lowest scoring players will be dropped for the following week. It's not personal, you play your game, and are judged on your average points throughout the match. Fair enough!

Fair enough? Well maybe. Let's ask Neil 'Down in One' Barby if it's as fair as all that...

I've seen Neil's awesome throwing potential. I've seen his 'lazy-but-deadly' chucking style. I've seen the way Neil 'BOSSES THE RED LION SKITTLES TABLE'. I've seen it... I've seen his tattooed cheese'n'skittles majesty. So why is the Red Lion's deadliest skittler passed over time and time again.....

OK, I admit that Neil doesn't actually want to play, but hey! Neither do I.... Sometimes, just asking isn't enough. Neil must play. The bar can run itself. The Red Lion Tuesday Skittles Team needs 'Neil Power'. Come on Fiona, do the right thing. Play Neil. You know he wants to....