My Loss is Our Win

On a night which may well go down in skittling folklore as 'The Game of a Thousand 7's (and other numbers)' the mighty Red Lion 'B' finished the regular season with a resounding 'Just about Won' at the Bulls Head, Arthingworth.

The margin of victory may have been narrow, but the game was quite literally wide open until the final plucky contestants locked Cheeses in the Grand Skittling Arena. With the game poised on a knife Block, Red Lion 'B' needed just one more leg to take the spoils. Would it be a 'Hock-Too-Far', or could the brave tail-ender bring home the proverbial Leg-Cut-of-Bacon?... with lashings of peas and gravy.

Well obviously he did, or we wouldn't have won! But it was a scrawny bit of Leg, served lukewarm, and lacking the luxury garnish of peas or gravy... or even cabbage. A 7-4 loss no less. 'Rubbish', came the cry. Groans all round. So thoroughly lacking in inspiration was his performance that Red Lion 'B' deigned to throw away a 2 leg lead, and lose the Beer Leg. Well that's a lot of legs to lose. There really is only one word for it. Absolutely Bloody Legless!

So who was this hapless young skittler? Which team member was given the simple task of an easy One-Leg win for victory, yet very nearly managed to throw the whole game away. Who was the fool? Stand up and show yourself you skittling numbskull. Heat the Tar and pluck the Goose, this man needs a jolly good seeing to....

Well.......

.......let's just say that recriminations are not our style. Retribution is a game for lesser teams. We shake hands, we eat supper, and we move on to the next thrilling encounter. Poor play will never become an issue at the Red Lion. The game is played in the spirit of fun, and a generous helping of good old fashioned bonhomie. It would be wrong to name the accused, perhaps even wrong to ever mention this sorry episode again....

Besides, at the Red Lion there's a robust and well defined system in place, designed to reward good play, and encourage better play from those who've failed to measure up to team captain Fiona 'You're Dropped Mark' Barby's exacting skittling standards. I'm sure the offender will take it like a man if and when he's 'dropped' from the team for the next match. Fiona 'You're Dropped Mark' Barby is firm but fair in her assessment of performance, and I'm sure she can be relied on to do the right thing, only dropping a player after a long hard look at the little black book of averages.

A Donkey, yesterday

Next Match: Knockout Cup (28th Sept) To be played at Catholic Club, Market Harborough... unless I've been dropped of course!

The Beer-neccesities of Life

As far as the Summer Skittling is concerned, we're now well and truly on the home straight. Naturally this is the cue for Red Lion 'B' to lose concentration, meander off the straight and narrow, and take a few diversions into the dodgy culdesacs of 'Near-miss', 'Lose-badly', and 'Sneak-a-Win'. Such is life in the Tuesday 'B' League.

Last weeks narrow victory came on the back of the Red Lion's Beer & Cider Festival. You'll forgive me if I don't give a blow-by-blow account of the heroics of the night. I wasn't playing, and there were one or two barrels of beer that needed my careful and undivided attention. Through half closed eyes I vaguely recall the clatter and clunk of polished Boxwood, occasional cries of 'They'll Go', and the gentle screech of chalk on board. Desborough Services came and went, then came back again for the Beer Leg. Did the Red win? I couldn't honestly say. It had been a long weekend, and this was my only chance to catch up on some well earned sleep...

...anyway, jerking awake just in time to grab a Sausage and a handfull of Chips, it was off home to dream of Brown Beer and burning pentagrams. Yes, it's another trip into the mysterious Arthingworth Rectangle. Our carriage for the night has been meticulously prepared for the trip with a liberal sprinkling of Holy Water. Team captain and designated driver for the night, Fiona 'Sat-Nav Not Required' Barby, has also anointed herself, with a dab or two of Dr Thompsons Original Tincture of Garlic behind the ears. But will it be enough!!!!

Beer Report: Lots of...

Next Match (Away): Bulls Head, Arthingworth (Tonight)

Rothwell Face-Off

Tuesday 31st of August will go down in Northants Skittling history as 'One hell of an away match'. Rothwell Conservative Club was the venue, Red Lion 'B' the team. The club was buzzing, the home team played their part in one of the fiercest tussles seen for many a Tuesday during the hotly contested Market Harborough Tuesday Skittles League.

It was an epic, neither side willing to give ground, men and women reduced to mere spectators as the two contestants squared up to each other. It was testament to the sheer quality on offer on this spectacular 'night-of-nights' that things went 'right to the wire'. This is truly what Tuesday Skittling is all about...

So who won I hear you ask. Well, it was a close run thing for sure, and lets be honest, there really were no losers on a night like this. So let's dispense with the technicalities and get straight to the heart of the matter.... Moorhouse Pride of Pendle (4.1%) certainly edged it in the taste stakes. A good session beer with a decent smack of hops, served in excellent condition considering its long journey down the M6. But what of the Ringwood Boondoggle (4.2%), a delicate 'Blonde' ale, eminently drinkable, though perhaps a little too subtle in the flavour department. A point for the silly name though, and let's not forget the extra 0.1% of alcohol in this (probably brewed in Burton!) Southern Lip-smacker. Was it enough to take the trophy in this mighty Real Ale Rumble in Rothwell?

Well...........I declare the match a Draw!!!! Congratulations to all concerned. I vote for a re-match.

Skittles Report: Lost.
Beer-Leg: Lost.... Badly!

Thank heavens for Beer.

Next Match (Home): Desborough Services 'B' (7th Sept)

Catholic Club Classics

Another Tuesday night skittling thriller at the Market Harborough Catholic Club resulted in a 37-48 win for Red Lion 'B'. On a night of high scores and low throws, the Beer Leg went the Red Lion way too, as indeed did most of the pork pie and cheesy curls during the victory supper.

Here's a blow-by-blow account of the match (though it's worth bearing in mind that I wasn't actually playing, and as we know, the barman makes work for idle hands...)

Alec struggled to find a bit of form on the low-low Catholic Club table, scraping to a 7-6 loss. Alec made up for a disappointing nights chucking with an excellent display of freestyle barracking. This confirmed Alec as a real Team Player, and an asset who's value to the team cannot be measured in mere skittling terms. Dropped.

Kev started well, romping ahead with a few good 9's, Tips, and regular swallows from his pint of Tiger. Sadly the beer took its toll as the game progressed, and Kev let his feisty opponent back into the game. A 'Paddington Hard-Stare' from team captain Fiona 'Sweet 18' Barby did the job and Kev finished strongly to gain a 4-7 win. Last seen nursing a pint of ale, and a double-chaser of bruised pride at the bar.

Jo played with her usual calm precision. Showing rare skill, verve, and more than a little style as she went on to win 4-7. Truly Jo was 'In the Zone', confidently working the Catholic Club table, whilst simultaneously keeping an eye on errant husband 'Kingpin' Mcqueenie. A class-act.

Fiona. Shaky start. Good 6-7 win. I don't recall anything else of note...

Jim 'Kingpin' Mcqueenie was on the ropes, trailing badly, throwing with all the skill and dexterity of ...erm... well, me actually. I couldn't watch any more and disappeared upstairs for a 'comfort break'. By the time I returned, plucky Kingpin had won the game 6-7.... How? What happened? Answers on a postcard please.

John 'Clippie' Clipston did just enough to make the game safe, nonchalantly strolling to a 6-7 win, barely breaking into a sweat. No doubt keeping his skittling powder dry for greater battles to come..... we hope!

Freed of any expectation of the need to win, a very relaxed Cath cut loose and expressed herself with a confident 4-7 win, did a little dance, and celebrated with a second glass of Vimto. Game, Set, Match, Supper.

Beer Report: Everards Tiger Best Bitter and Morland Old Speckled Hen were on offer. I'm not a big fan of the Speckledy Hen brew, so Tiger won the day. A decent enough pint, but one which often gives me a bad-head in the morning... which it did!

Next Match (Away): Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' (31st August)

Naked Jelly Wrestling - Cancelled!

Intriguing news of the day. Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' have drawn one of their matches. So they are human after all!

OK, let's get this in perspective. Rothwell Cons are top of the 'B' league, with Red Lion 'B' snapping several yards behind their heels in second place. Even with this single draw, Rothwell remain unbeaten, whilst the Red have lost both home and away to the top team. So summing up, our chances of topping the league have now gone from 'Nil', to 'Practically Nil', which is progress of sorts.

Our cause has been helped by another home win, this time against the Shoulder of Mutton team from across the border in Great Bowdenshire. As far as picking the team was concerned, my Naked Jelly Wrestling idea was vetoed. Instead I made it into the team by sheer chance through the drawing of names out of a (metaphorical) hat, though following my woeful performance on the night the two-man Jelly Vat may get a try out yet...

The only thing wobbling on the night was my throw. I reacquainted myself with the skittling traditions of 'Hitting the Front' and 'Sailing through the Middle', neither of which are good things in case you were wondering. I lost my game, and joined fellow struggler Linsey McCarling in the 'naughty corner' of the bar. Regular 'form' players Alec and Kingpin McQueenie helped rescue the match, and we marched on to win the Beer Leg 3-2.

As far as we can tell, the Red Lion have still won the most Beer Legs. I think this says a lot about the Red Lion 'B' team's staunch commitment to Beer.... and Legs! I think I can safely say that we like them both, though I must say I find that one is usually tastier than the other... legs that is...

A Milestone Beer, and the welcome return of Great Oakley Wot's Occuring ensured more beer was drunk than absolutely necessary. This is as it should be, and I'll hopefully be along for the ride next week, even though I won't be throwing anything cheese-like. Being dropped from the team doesn't mean I can't support our players in the only way I know how. A proudly raised glass of ale at the Catholic Club bar.

Next Match (Away): Catholic Club, Market Harborough (17th August)

'B' Cup Wobble

The first round of the 'B' league Knock Out Cup came and went on Tuesday. It was a narrow victory for the Red Lion 'B' in what proved to be another 'Bulls Head Nail-Biter' on a dark night in Arthingworth. James 'King Pin' Mcqueenie seemed to have the measure of the table, with Alec showing good wrist action too, but it fell to skittling legend John 'Clippie' Clipston to bring home the bacon with the very last throw of the night. 7-6 was the final score, with the final match finishing a much-too-close-for-comfort 54-53. Yowzah!

Red Lion 'B' motto: If a job's worth doing, it's worth making heavy weather of it.

And so we stumble on to the glorious Semi-Finals, nearly two months away at the back-end of September. Just enough time to find a bit of form.... maybe.

The Arthingworth Rectangle lived up to its dark reputation, cloaked as it was in thick cloud the colour of Bruised Offal. The wind whipped up, rattling the chains of the Village Gibbet. Skittlers sucked nervously on roll-ups as the rain lashed in, guttering candles and diluting the ale. To be honest, we were glad to be away from the accursed place. If proof were needed of the strange goings on in the mysterious Arthingworth Rectangle, consider this! The journey home took a full two hours longer than the relative ease of the outward trip...... Spooky or what!

Team captain Fiona 'All Roads Lead to Dingley' Barby had left the Little Black Book at home, so no record was made of the team averages. The Knockout Cup game is played to different rules than the usual Tuesday League, so it has been decided that the only fair way to decide who plays in Great Bowden next week is a Naked Jelly Wrestling tournament, to be played at a secret location in the pub cellar this Friday evening. If you'd like to see this traditional Welland Valley spectacle, details are available from the bar. Just use the code-phrase 'I'm looking for Jelly-Fun', and all will be revealed.

Beer Report: Thwaites Original, Lancaster Bomber, and Batemans XB. Brown Bitters, not a favourite of mine to be honest. Please sir, can we have some hops now?

Next Match (Away): Shoulder of Mutton, Great Bowden (10th August)

Mid-Season Round-Up

Much skittling water has flowed under the bridge since my last dispatch from the Northants 'B' League. Coincidentally, a fair bit of ale has flowed down my neck during this time too, but that's another story...

It's now Played 12, Won 10, Lost 2, with the mighty Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' team ahead by a neck, beer-belly and arse from the hapless chasing pack. We'll need a miracle to catch them now...

First up was the aforementioned Rothwell Connie Club who strutted their stuff like prize cockerels on our very own bloomin' table. It was a bad day at the (ahem!) skittles office, but it could have been worse. The men of Rothwell were lulled into a false sense of security, and we took the Beer Leg 3-0. Anyone would think the Red Lion 'B' team take their beer more seriously than their skittles....

We needed to bounce back hard from this crushing defeat, and so we did. Weaker members of the team were savagely cut for the away match at Desborough Services. The squad rotation payed dividends, and through tear-blurred eyes I watched the cream of Middleton win both the match and the beer leg. In the spirit of teamwork, I was allowed to help record the team averages in the 'Little-Black-Book', and carry trays of beer to the 'Big Players' table. Sniffle...

A word about the Beer. Desborough Services holds the unwelcome prize for possibly the least inspiring beer range on offer throughout the league. No real ales (boo!), and a very poor range of keg offerings from budget beer specialist Sam Smith's Brewery (bah!). I resorted to bottles of Elgood Black Dog Mild, which are really not a patch on the real draught version. Come on Services, it's time to get real.

A chill wind blew through the village this Tuesday. The Bulls Head, Arthingworth had come to play. In true Daphne du Maurier fashion, all Pentagrams, Witch Candles, and Headless Black Dogs were left safely at the door. This was to be a clean game, no witchcraft allowed....

We were extremely lucky to escape from the notorious 'Arthingworth Rectangle' last time we visited the Bulls Head, this was no time to drop our guard. The stout-hearted folk of Arthingworth may well have come with pure hearts and good intentions, but who's to say they hadn't succumbed to some form of enchantment on the long journey. The powerful forces at play within the Arthingworth Rectangle know no bounds. The tentacles of malevolent influence could easily stretch as far as sleepy Middleton.

As it was, the evening passed off without incident, and all went well.... although!!!!.... Was it my imagination, or did Neil 'Tattooed Love God' Barby have a slightly 'haunted' look about him that night.... Hmm!

It was a very close match. Mind you it was always going to be.... I was playing, so no hope of a convincing victory! Team captain Fiona 'usually 68 Ft above sea level' Barby dropped herself from the team and was seen massaging our star player, Young Kevin, ready for the match. The levels of fitness required when chalking the score board should never be underestimated. It was generally agreed that Kev performed adequately at the board, though appeared to massively underestimate the levels of concentration and arithmetic required to hold the position down permanently. Expect a return to the skittles team next week Kev....

We eventually won 39-38, with James 'King-Pin' Mcqueenie holding his nerve in the final throw of a gripping match. A 3-1 Beer Leg win followed, and whilst the League may be a lost cause, it's still looking good for the Red Lion's Beer Leg Cup challenge.... if there is one.

Incidentally, the picture up top shows just how popular table skittles is around these parts. This is a mini table at the recent Caldecott Village Fete. A similar table was on show at Oundle Carnival.

Next Match (Away): Bulls Head, Arthingworth - Knock-Out Cup (3rd August)

A Game of No Halves

Winning a skittles match can be achieved in a number of different ways. The long slog of a hard-fought match which goes to the wire. Sneaking a win with the final few throws after trailing miserably all the way. Fielding a good team helps of course...

Sometimes you just have to turn up to win, and such was our away match at the Spread Eagle in Cottingham last week. Gracious as I am in defeat, and humble on the rare occasion of a victory, I feel unable to take any of the credit for this our 8th win of the season. Neither for that matter can Kev, Alec, Jo, John C, John R, Jim, or team captain Fiona 'Uncle Tom Cobbley & All' Barby. The fact is we were gifted the win through a lucky combination of circumstances, chief of which was the non-appearance of most of the Spread Eagle team... Err.. Yay!

Shame really, we were all looking forward to a game, and besides, it was a hard climb up the hill to Cottingham, with valuable drinking time and shoe-leather lost on the way. In the event we bid a hasty retreat to the Red Lion for a nail-bitingly tense game of 'Killer', which Kev won..... naturally!

A word about Kevin's victory celebrations! Running around the bar, arms aloft, shirt over his head like some over payed South American footballer, quite rightly drew a few tut-tuts from the shocked crowd. The rules are clear on this one: 'In the act of Skittling, arms should never be raised above shoulder level (unless to facilitate the drinking of beer or cider)', and in particular: 'Skittlers will conduct themselves in a Gentlemanly and Sportsmanlike manner before, during, and after the match, (unless they're Ladies, in which case anything goes)'.

This isn't the first time we've seen such gross acts of triumphalism during a skittles match. Standards are slipping. The 'Beautiful Game' (of skittles) is facing its watershed moment. Will it go the way of football, all loutish behaviour, gamesmanship, and Mexican Waves in the bar. Or will we try to nip this 'modern disease' in the bud before Skittles as a competitive game is ruined by these mindless 'Winners'. A stiff nod of the head, a sensible shake of the hand, and a gruff 'Well Played' are all the celebrations required in a game of skittles.

It's high time we showed the lead before things get completely out of hand, and with this in mind, I've started a campaign to 'Stamp Out Fun in Skittles'. I urge you now to make this solemn pledge, 'Win or lose, there's no place for pleasure in Table Skittles'. Pass it on...

Next Match (Home): Desborough Services Club 'B' (6th July)

Spread Legs in Cottingham

Anticipation is building ahead of this weeks 'local derby' match at the Spread Eagle, Cottingham. The Red Lion Tuesday League team go into the match with confidence at an all time 'moderate' after last weeks narrow escape against the Market Harborough Catholic Club 'B' team.

An epic game of nip-and-tuck was brought to a thrilling conclusion by team captain Fiona 'Dancing Queen' Barby. With everything to play for, and the post-match supper tantalisingly out of reach, Fiona stepped up to the plate and delivered the coup de grâce and our 7th victory of the season. Now that's what I call leading from the rear...

The Beer Leg proved a throw too far, and the less said about my own shoddy performance the better..... in fact I've said too much already.....

Special mention must go to resident Carling shareholder Linsey, who was playing... then he wasn't... then he was, which is hardly the kind of preparation a man needs ahead of such an important game. When asked about the current 'last-minute' selection process employed for the Tuesday team, captain Fiona said 'If it's good enough for Fabio and the England football team, it's good enough for me.....' Oh Dear!

I must put on record that I've volunteered to drive the team to this weeks away match. Never let it be said that I don't pull my weight in the 'driving to away match' stakes. Admittedly I can't commit to driving anyone back home again, but the offer's there, it's well intentioned, and comes with virtually no strings attached... When I've extracted the current mileage rate from Fiona I'll be happy to firm the offer up and put it in writing.

Next Match (Away): Spread Eagle, Cottingham - Tomorrow

How it Stands...

...or rather, how it stood a few weeks ago. Much skittling water has flowed under the table since these were printed. Red Lion 'B' beat Red Lion 'A' last Friday for example, and of course we (by which I mean 'them') won on Tuesday to give 6 wins from 7. Mr Jim 'King Pin' Mcqueenie may also hold joint first for a highest score of 18 in the Tuesday league.
Here's a nice feature from BBC Radio Northampton when they went Skittling at the Foresters Arms, Nether Heyford way back in 2006. Click on the 'Hear how it went...' link to listen to the feature: Monday Night Sport vs Northants Skittles

The Secret to Success - Pt.1

Another hard-fought win just over the border in Leicestershire last night. The Beer Leg in particular went to the wire, with a little bit of luck swinging the result the Red Lion way. It's now 'Played 7, won 6'. Woo-Hoo!

Whilst it would be true to say that Red Lion stalwarts Jo, John and Kev were the high-scoring stars of the evening, I feel I must highlight my own crucial role in the success of the team. I don't think it would be too much of an exaggeration to say the successful outcome of last nights game was largely the result of my own humble position in the team. Oh yes! Credit where credit's due, I played a blinder. A steady, solid performance at the bar, combined with morale-boosting support for our team mates at the table. A cool head throughout the match, my concentration rarely wavered from start to nail-biting finish. What a performance!

You'll probably have guessed by now that I was unceremoniously dropped from the team last night...

I knew it was coming. You really can't play with such a combination of 'gross mediocrity' and 'total lack of consistency' (Kev's words, not mine) without the prospect of being (ahem!) 'rested'. Fair play to team captain Fiona 'Still a bit Hungover from Sunday' Barby, who's ruthless hacking and slashing of the team over the last few months have gotten us where we are today. When asked to comment on the current team selection, Fiona said '...it's my ruthless Hacking & Slashing of the team that's got us where we are today...' before putting a large cross against my name for showing dissent.

Anyway. Practice! Practice! Practice! That's the game plan. With practice comes improvement. With practice comes the chance of redemption. With practice comes the opportunity to try more of the Red Lion's ex-Beer Festival stock... I'm committed, I'm determined, I'm ready to force my way back into the Red Lion Tuesday 'B' Skittles Team. 'I must, I must, Improve my Thrust; I must, I must....'

Beer Report:

The Shoulder of Mutton resides in the pretty village of Great Bowden. The village is home to a couple of pubs, a tidy village green, an expensive Deli, and the kennels of the Fernie Hunt hounds. I think you get the picture...

Marstons Pedigree and Black Sheep Bitter are the usual offerings at the Shoulder of Mutton, both of which were in good nick. There's usually a Guest Beer too. We'd just missed Fullers London Pride by the looks of it (no great loss for me, I'm not too keen on London brown beers), but ready to come on was something more interesting from a Derby micro. What it was I'll never know, as it still wasn't pouring by the time we left for home. C'est La Vie.

Next (Away) Match: Catholic Club 'B', Market Harborough (22nd June)

It's Oh So Quiet...

The Red Lion Tuesday skittles team snooze quietly in a corner of the bar...

This week we have a Bye in the Knockout Cup so no skittling action again. Just as well really, it was always going to be difficult throwing cheeses over hay bales and beer barrels in the Red Lion bar! The venerable skittles table is being decommissioned for the duration of the forthcoming Welland Valley Beer Festival. A wise decision I think, copious quantities of real ale and traditional cider don't generally mix well with the throwing of lumps of wood around the bar.

In the absence of any developments in the Market Harborough Tuesday League, here's the first of an occasional series, 'Skittles Tables of Northamptonshire & Leicestershire'. Enjoy...

Cherry Tree, Little Bowden, Market Harborough

Next Game: Shoulder of Mutton, Great Bowden (Away)

Another Win. No Bull!

So we finally made it to Arthingworth, a fair-weather destination close to absolutely nowhere in particular. John took us on another fabulous rollercoaster ride down narrow, potholed lanes, winding our way through snow-flecked fields to the cosy Bulls Head, a pub with a reputation for fine ales and the worlds smallest skittling area... possibly.

So isolated is the village of Arthingworth that it's frequently offered as an explanation for the large number of Byes in the Tuesday Harborough League. Rumours abound of hapless skittles teams setting off for the Bulls Head, blithely entering the mysterious area known locally as the Arthingworth Rectangle, never to be seen again...

It's a strange and spooky stretch of countryside for sure. A place of eerie flickering lights in the night and other strange spectral happenings. Some say it's the work of wicked Will 'O Wisps, bearing their guttering Faerie Candles in the dark, sent to lure unwary travellers to their doom. A more prosaic explanation... A hopelessly lost Northants Skittler, vainly attempting to light a roll-up at another baffling crossroads. Who knows. One thing's for sure, Sat-Nav won't help you here. The notorious Arthingworth Rectangle, a place even Google Street View fear to go...

Unexplained 'Cheese Shaped' object photographed over Arthingworth last Tuesday

Once in the safety of the Slaughtered Lamb.... er, Bulls Head, a warm welcome and a pint of Thwaites Lancaster Bomber or Original awaited (the Batemans had just gone, Bah!). Expectations were high, the Bulls Head being a regular Good Beer Guide entry, and whilst I wouldn't say that Thwaites beers set my heart racing, they were certainly in fine fettle on the night.

The skittles table is a fine old specimen, wedged in the corner of a small games room off the main bar. Set on the diagonal, possibly as an aid to banish evil spirits, though more likely to help achieve the minimum throwing distance. A difficult table to get the hang of, though some did (yes, that's you Kev). Needless to say I didn't, throwing 5's, 7's and everything in between. We won, and helped boost the Beer Leg fund too. Team captain Fiona 'You're All Dropped' Barby was so pleased with the performance she's given the whole team two weeks off for a spot of R&R. Yay!

We also managed to find our way home... Phew!

Table Skittles Tables

Here's the latest standings in the Market Harborough Tuesday League. As you can see, we're currently second in the B Section, with a long, long way to go, and an awful lot of beer to be drunk until the end of the season.

Home & Away

Home, as we all know, is where the heart is. Home is where we lay our heads after a hard day's work. Home is also where we play skittles every other week. Yes, once a fortnight we call the Red Lion Middleton 'Home', and like all good homely people, we like to invite the neighbours round for a drink, a bite to eat....... and a game of skittles! This week we played host to the ladies and gentlemen of the Desborough Services Club, a place they also like to call 'Home' on occasion.

Now a home match is one we would expect to win, given home advantage and all that. But expectation can bring with it additional pressure. The pressure to win, multiplied by the expectation that you should win, all too frequently equals an inability to hit the table, least of all any skittles! There! That's my excuse out of the way...

Of course the beauty of a team game like skittles, is that chronic underachievers like myself can sometimes get away with a poor night's skittling, by dint of the dazzling talent around them. Which is precisely what happened last night, with fine performances from resident Carling shareholder Linsey the Leg, and our team captain, recently released from kitchen bondage, Fiona 'You're all in my Little Black Book now' Barby, amongst others. Needless to say, I threw with the dexterity and skill of a blind jellyfish, rarely ascending above the skittling foothills of '7', but as a team we still managed a decent win, and an unexpected Beer-Leg whitewash. Yay!

Here's a short video of veteran team member James '100 different throws' McQueenie, the worse for a half pint of Rockingham Forest Cider, and overseeing a throw at the end of the evening. Look more closely and you'll notice something really quite remarkable... No, not the twin beams of light bouncing off the newly polished skittles table and Jim's finely polished forehead. Look to the left... Yes, it's the (in)famous Red Lion notice board, rescued from the ignominy of the pub cellar, and restored to it's rightful place in the bar. Enjoy.

Beer Report

It was a Great Oakley-Doakley theme night at the Red Lion, with a moreish Wot's Occuring, and the heavyweight champion of the stouts Abbey Stoat on offer. Kev's special mix, Stoat's Occuring was also available, a devilishly moreish stout/ale combo in the style of an old-fangled Pint 'O' Mixed. A good one for the undecided imbiber, a kind of beery Coalition if you like. Cheers!

Next Match (Away): Bulls Head, Arthingworth

Lads Night Out

What a night! What a bloody night!

It all started with a few practice throws and a pre-load pint of Great Oakley Wot's Occuring at the Red Lion, Middleton. The beer was in fine form, the skittles were falling to order, and things were looking good...

Then on to the Conservative Club, Rothwell. Our usual driver, Fiona 'Where's My Scones' Barby, was still serving time in the Red Lion kitchen, so John 'Glasses Optional' Rennie treated us to a high-speed rollercoaster ride on roads less travelled. Dodging tender young Muntjac, and pot-roast-able Pheasants, we careered down the potholed back roads of rural Northamptonshire. Somehow we conspired to miss both, so the Red Lion Game Supper is on hold for another week...

The Conny Club is a fine old edifice in the heart of historic Rothwell. Busy for a Tuesday, and all-of-a-click with the sound of Dominoes, and the serious business of competitive Cribbage. The Skittles table is tucked away in a corner, presided over by a formidable portrait of Her Royal Highness, Lady Thatcher of Grantham. The skittles were visibly trembling under her sour gaze. I considered asking whether this somewhat off-putting portrait could be turned round for the night, but thought better of it on this historic night for Tory's of all persuasions, even the Conservative ones! Apparently, the Lady's Not For Turning...

Thankfully, there was nothing sour about the ales on offer. Greene King IPA, Adnams Broadside, and Caledonian Flying Dutchman, a pleasant Wit Beer from somewhere up north of the border. Northamptonshire clubland surprises me again, and beer wins the day once more!

The skittles? Ah yes!... We lost... Quite badly actually, though the Beer Leg was a closer run thing. Oh well! A good night on the beer, Gordon Brown finally does the right thing, two out of three ain't bad!

Next Match (Home): Services Club 'B', Desborough

Local Derby

The Spread Eagle, Cottingham came to play this evening. Ever so slightly short on numbers, but full of Vim, Vigour, and all the fighting spirit you'd expect from a team barely a cheese-throw from the Red Lion. A real 'Local Derby', and a grand night out.

For my part, the skittling was very poor. Almost whupped by a plucky young Spread Eagle novice who deserved more from the game than she got. I hit the front, sailed over the table, went through the middle, and approached the whole match like the proverbial Rabbit in the Headlight. My Hutch was well and truly rattled...

This Rabbit didn't disappear into it's burrow though. Oh No! Cometh the Beer Leg, cometh the... err!... Bunny! From somewhere deep down (alright, that's enough rabbity/burrow nonsense) I managed to find some form and throw a few decent cheeses. Never has the cry of 'About Time Too...' been so appropriate. I doubt this will save me from the ignominy of being 'dropped' for next weeks game. My averages were very poor indeed, and when Fiona 'The Pinny' Barby runs her slide-rule over the figures, well, it's only a matter of time before the chopper quite literally chops, and I'm reduced to supping beer on the sidelines without so much as a cheese to my name. Actually, come to think of it, this doesn't sound too bad...

Beer Report - Red Lion, Middleton

Great Oakley Wot's Occuring was in fine form as ever, with the Mocha-tastic Delapre Dark available for dark ale fans. Rockinghm Forest Cider was still considered too strong for regular Skittles fun.

Averaging Out

It can only be a good thing that Fiona 'The Last Word' Barby has introduced an averaging system to the Red Lion Tuesday team. On any given night, the two lowest scoring players will be dropped for the following week. It's not personal, you play your game, and are judged on your average points throughout the match. Fair enough!

Fair enough? Well maybe. Let's ask Neil 'Down in One' Barby if it's as fair as all that...

I've seen Neil's awesome throwing potential. I've seen his 'lazy-but-deadly' chucking style. I've seen the way Neil 'BOSSES THE RED LION SKITTLES TABLE'. I've seen it... I've seen his tattooed cheese'n'skittles majesty. So why is the Red Lion's deadliest skittler passed over time and time again.....

OK, I admit that Neil doesn't actually want to play, but hey! Neither do I.... Sometimes, just asking isn't enough. Neil must play. The bar can run itself. The Red Lion Tuesday Skittles Team needs 'Neil Power'. Come on Fiona, do the right thing. Play Neil. You know he wants to....

Catholic Clubbing

In the short time I've been skittling around the clubs and pubs of our little corner of Northants and Leics, I've been pleasantly surprised at how many of the social clubs are now offering a real ale or two. Perhaps it's a misconception on my part, but clubs have certainly had a reputation amongst beer drinkers for being the last bastions of fizzy, tasteless keg beer. In fact I can only think of two occasions where just keg beers was available, and real ale is now widespread in this part of clubland.

The Catholic Club in Market Harborough is a case in point, with Everards Tiger and a Guest Beer available at all times. On this weeks visit the guest was Charles Wells Bombadier, but a cursory look at the bar, festooned as it is with hundreds of pump clips, reveals the wide range of beers which have previously been available. It's a cosy little club too, and one that's fast becoming a favourite of mine.

The skittles table is a favorite of mine too, not least because I've conspired to win a bit on it whenever I've played at the Catholic Club. It's a low-slung Leicestershire table, with a reputation for high scores, though sadly not when I'm throwing. Kev's 7-1 win was the highlight, with Fiona 'The Taxi' Barby taking the endurance crown for a hard-fought game that seemed to go on forever.................

So it's played two, won two, with things quite literally 'hotting up' for a Summer of skittling fun and games. Fun is of course, optional...

I leave you with a some hot video action of a clinical Nine on the venerable Red Lion table.


Next Week (Home): Spread Eagle, Cottingham

Summer League - A New Beginning

The Desborough Winter League finished with success for the mighty Red Lion 'A' skittles team, and what can only be described as relief all round for the fledgling 'B' team.

Red Lion 'A' showed grit and determination to finish top of their league, earning themselves a nice bit of silverware in the process. Promotion to the lofty heights of the Desborough premier league follows. Well done boys and girls, don't forget to collect your winners tube of Brasso from the bar. A trophy-polishing rota is being drawn up, and will be posted on the Red Lion notice board just as soon as Kev gets round screwing it back on the wall...

Red Lion 'B' narrowly avoided the wooden spoon, managing to scrape off the bottom of the league by dint of superior points difference, and occasional flashes of brilliance from the Ladies and Kev..... and Jim. When asked to explain the 'B' team's somewhat poor performance, skittling guru Vince replied, '...too many doubles were missed'. For my part, I can only say that fear of chipping the newly painted Red Lion skirting boards may have had an affect on my throw, both home and away... Now the paint has dried it's hoped that normal carnage can resume. In an exclusive interview, team captain Fiona 'The-Tip' Barby described the Beer-Leg fund as '...in deep recession', and is therefore being held back until such a time as it can stretch to more than a pint of Wot's.

Which brings me nicely to the Tuesday Summer League, which got underway earlier this week with a morale-boosting victory for the Red Lion against Great Bowdens Shoulder of Mutton team. Sensational dig-deep victories for Alec, Kev and Fiona helped bring home the cheese-shaped bacon, with a 3-2 Beer-Leg win easing fears of another funding rollover. It's early days, but confidence is running moderately high-ish for a few more wins this season.

Beer Report - Red Lion, Middleton

Great Oakley Wot's Occuring refreshed the thirsty skittlers, with St Georges Day special Fly the Flag available for traditional copper-coloured ale fans. Rockingham Forest Cider was also available, but at 7.2% was considered incompatible with the throwing of weighty bits of wood around the bar.

Next match: 27th April - Catholic Club, Market Harborough