A Game of No Halves

Winning a skittles match can be achieved in a number of different ways. The long slog of a hard-fought match which goes to the wire. Sneaking a win with the final few throws after trailing miserably all the way. Fielding a good team helps of course...

Sometimes you just have to turn up to win, and such was our away match at the Spread Eagle in Cottingham last week. Gracious as I am in defeat, and humble on the rare occasion of a victory, I feel unable to take any of the credit for this our 8th win of the season. Neither for that matter can Kev, Alec, Jo, John C, John R, Jim, or team captain Fiona 'Uncle Tom Cobbley & All' Barby. The fact is we were gifted the win through a lucky combination of circumstances, chief of which was the non-appearance of most of the Spread Eagle team... Err.. Yay!

Shame really, we were all looking forward to a game, and besides, it was a hard climb up the hill to Cottingham, with valuable drinking time and shoe-leather lost on the way. In the event we bid a hasty retreat to the Red Lion for a nail-bitingly tense game of 'Killer', which Kev won..... naturally!

A word about Kevin's victory celebrations! Running around the bar, arms aloft, shirt over his head like some over payed South American footballer, quite rightly drew a few tut-tuts from the shocked crowd. The rules are clear on this one: 'In the act of Skittling, arms should never be raised above shoulder level (unless to facilitate the drinking of beer or cider)', and in particular: 'Skittlers will conduct themselves in a Gentlemanly and Sportsmanlike manner before, during, and after the match, (unless they're Ladies, in which case anything goes)'.

This isn't the first time we've seen such gross acts of triumphalism during a skittles match. Standards are slipping. The 'Beautiful Game' (of skittles) is facing its watershed moment. Will it go the way of football, all loutish behaviour, gamesmanship, and Mexican Waves in the bar. Or will we try to nip this 'modern disease' in the bud before Skittles as a competitive game is ruined by these mindless 'Winners'. A stiff nod of the head, a sensible shake of the hand, and a gruff 'Well Played' are all the celebrations required in a game of skittles.

It's high time we showed the lead before things get completely out of hand, and with this in mind, I've started a campaign to 'Stamp Out Fun in Skittles'. I urge you now to make this solemn pledge, 'Win or lose, there's no place for pleasure in Table Skittles'. Pass it on...

Next Match (Home): Desborough Services Club 'B' (6th July)