Beer & Skittles (& Suppers) are Back!

The unique (and slightly pointless) 'Beer & Skittle' blog, will be stirring from enforced Winter slumber and clogging up your hard drive once again. Expect plenty of  'Beer Blather', Skittle Whittle' and 'Cheese...err! Wheeze', as we sail erratically through the Northamptonshire (& Leicestershire) Table Skittles Tuesday Summer League, and quite possibly beyond...

To get things started, here's the final standings of the Wednesday Winter League, with last years table for comparison. You'll notice we've improved our position from 'almost last', to 'firmly mid-table', which is testament to the number of times I've been dropped throughout the Winter.. and Jim 'Kingpin' McQueenie of course.

Ready!... Set!.... erm.... Set!

Catholic Club Classics

Another Tuesday night skittling thriller at the Market Harborough Catholic Club resulted in a 37-48 win for Red Lion 'B'. On a night of high scores and low throws, the Beer Leg went the Red Lion way too, as indeed did most of the pork pie and cheesy curls during the victory supper.

Here's a blow-by-blow account of the match (though it's worth bearing in mind that I wasn't actually playing, and as we know, the barman makes work for idle hands...)

Alec struggled to find a bit of form on the low-low Catholic Club table, scraping to a 7-6 loss. Alec made up for a disappointing nights chucking with an excellent display of freestyle barracking. This confirmed Alec as a real Team Player, and an asset who's value to the team cannot be measured in mere skittling terms. Dropped.

Kev started well, romping ahead with a few good 9's, Tips, and regular swallows from his pint of Tiger. Sadly the beer took its toll as the game progressed, and Kev let his feisty opponent back into the game. A 'Paddington Hard-Stare' from team captain Fiona 'Sweet 18' Barby did the job and Kev finished strongly to gain a 4-7 win. Last seen nursing a pint of ale, and a double-chaser of bruised pride at the bar.

Jo played with her usual calm precision. Showing rare skill, verve, and more than a little style as she went on to win 4-7. Truly Jo was 'In the Zone', confidently working the Catholic Club table, whilst simultaneously keeping an eye on errant husband 'Kingpin' Mcqueenie. A class-act.

Fiona. Shaky start. Good 6-7 win. I don't recall anything else of note...

Jim 'Kingpin' Mcqueenie was on the ropes, trailing badly, throwing with all the skill and dexterity of ...erm... well, me actually. I couldn't watch any more and disappeared upstairs for a 'comfort break'. By the time I returned, plucky Kingpin had won the game 6-7.... How? What happened? Answers on a postcard please.

John 'Clippie' Clipston did just enough to make the game safe, nonchalantly strolling to a 6-7 win, barely breaking into a sweat. No doubt keeping his skittling powder dry for greater battles to come..... we hope!

Freed of any expectation of the need to win, a very relaxed Cath cut loose and expressed herself with a confident 4-7 win, did a little dance, and celebrated with a second glass of Vimto. Game, Set, Match, Supper.

Beer Report: Everards Tiger Best Bitter and Morland Old Speckled Hen were on offer. I'm not a big fan of the Speckledy Hen brew, so Tiger won the day. A decent enough pint, but one which often gives me a bad-head in the morning... which it did!

Next Match (Away): Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' (31st August)

Naked Jelly Wrestling - Cancelled!

Intriguing news of the day. Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' have drawn one of their matches. So they are human after all!

OK, let's get this in perspective. Rothwell Cons are top of the 'B' league, with Red Lion 'B' snapping several yards behind their heels in second place. Even with this single draw, Rothwell remain unbeaten, whilst the Red have lost both home and away to the top team. So summing up, our chances of topping the league have now gone from 'Nil', to 'Practically Nil', which is progress of sorts.

Our cause has been helped by another home win, this time against the Shoulder of Mutton team from across the border in Great Bowdenshire. As far as picking the team was concerned, my Naked Jelly Wrestling idea was vetoed. Instead I made it into the team by sheer chance through the drawing of names out of a (metaphorical) hat, though following my woeful performance on the night the two-man Jelly Vat may get a try out yet...

The only thing wobbling on the night was my throw. I reacquainted myself with the skittling traditions of 'Hitting the Front' and 'Sailing through the Middle', neither of which are good things in case you were wondering. I lost my game, and joined fellow struggler Linsey McCarling in the 'naughty corner' of the bar. Regular 'form' players Alec and Kingpin McQueenie helped rescue the match, and we marched on to win the Beer Leg 3-2.

As far as we can tell, the Red Lion have still won the most Beer Legs. I think this says a lot about the Red Lion 'B' team's staunch commitment to Beer.... and Legs! I think I can safely say that we like them both, though I must say I find that one is usually tastier than the other... legs that is...

A Milestone Beer, and the welcome return of Great Oakley Wot's Occuring ensured more beer was drunk than absolutely necessary. This is as it should be, and I'll hopefully be along for the ride next week, even though I won't be throwing anything cheese-like. Being dropped from the team doesn't mean I can't support our players in the only way I know how. A proudly raised glass of ale at the Catholic Club bar.

Next Match (Away): Catholic Club, Market Harborough (17th August)

Mid-Season Round-Up

Much skittling water has flowed under the bridge since my last dispatch from the Northants 'B' League. Coincidentally, a fair bit of ale has flowed down my neck during this time too, but that's another story...

It's now Played 12, Won 10, Lost 2, with the mighty Rothwell Conservative Club 'B' team ahead by a neck, beer-belly and arse from the hapless chasing pack. We'll need a miracle to catch them now...

First up was the aforementioned Rothwell Connie Club who strutted their stuff like prize cockerels on our very own bloomin' table. It was a bad day at the (ahem!) skittles office, but it could have been worse. The men of Rothwell were lulled into a false sense of security, and we took the Beer Leg 3-0. Anyone would think the Red Lion 'B' team take their beer more seriously than their skittles....

We needed to bounce back hard from this crushing defeat, and so we did. Weaker members of the team were savagely cut for the away match at Desborough Services. The squad rotation payed dividends, and through tear-blurred eyes I watched the cream of Middleton win both the match and the beer leg. In the spirit of teamwork, I was allowed to help record the team averages in the 'Little-Black-Book', and carry trays of beer to the 'Big Players' table. Sniffle...

A word about the Beer. Desborough Services holds the unwelcome prize for possibly the least inspiring beer range on offer throughout the league. No real ales (boo!), and a very poor range of keg offerings from budget beer specialist Sam Smith's Brewery (bah!). I resorted to bottles of Elgood Black Dog Mild, which are really not a patch on the real draught version. Come on Services, it's time to get real.

A chill wind blew through the village this Tuesday. The Bulls Head, Arthingworth had come to play. In true Daphne du Maurier fashion, all Pentagrams, Witch Candles, and Headless Black Dogs were left safely at the door. This was to be a clean game, no witchcraft allowed....

We were extremely lucky to escape from the notorious 'Arthingworth Rectangle' last time we visited the Bulls Head, this was no time to drop our guard. The stout-hearted folk of Arthingworth may well have come with pure hearts and good intentions, but who's to say they hadn't succumbed to some form of enchantment on the long journey. The powerful forces at play within the Arthingworth Rectangle know no bounds. The tentacles of malevolent influence could easily stretch as far as sleepy Middleton.

As it was, the evening passed off without incident, and all went well.... although!!!!.... Was it my imagination, or did Neil 'Tattooed Love God' Barby have a slightly 'haunted' look about him that night.... Hmm!

It was a very close match. Mind you it was always going to be.... I was playing, so no hope of a convincing victory! Team captain Fiona 'usually 68 Ft above sea level' Barby dropped herself from the team and was seen massaging our star player, Young Kevin, ready for the match. The levels of fitness required when chalking the score board should never be underestimated. It was generally agreed that Kev performed adequately at the board, though appeared to massively underestimate the levels of concentration and arithmetic required to hold the position down permanently. Expect a return to the skittles team next week Kev....

We eventually won 39-38, with James 'King-Pin' Mcqueenie holding his nerve in the final throw of a gripping match. A 3-1 Beer Leg win followed, and whilst the League may be a lost cause, it's still looking good for the Red Lion's Beer Leg Cup challenge.... if there is one.

Incidentally, the picture up top shows just how popular table skittles is around these parts. This is a mini table at the recent Caldecott Village Fete. A similar table was on show at Oundle Carnival.

Next Match (Away): Bulls Head, Arthingworth - Knock-Out Cup (3rd August)

Spread Legs in Cottingham

Anticipation is building ahead of this weeks 'local derby' match at the Spread Eagle, Cottingham. The Red Lion Tuesday League team go into the match with confidence at an all time 'moderate' after last weeks narrow escape against the Market Harborough Catholic Club 'B' team.

An epic game of nip-and-tuck was brought to a thrilling conclusion by team captain Fiona 'Dancing Queen' Barby. With everything to play for, and the post-match supper tantalisingly out of reach, Fiona stepped up to the plate and delivered the coup de grâce and our 7th victory of the season. Now that's what I call leading from the rear...

The Beer Leg proved a throw too far, and the less said about my own shoddy performance the better..... in fact I've said too much already.....

Special mention must go to resident Carling shareholder Linsey, who was playing... then he wasn't... then he was, which is hardly the kind of preparation a man needs ahead of such an important game. When asked about the current 'last-minute' selection process employed for the Tuesday team, captain Fiona said 'If it's good enough for Fabio and the England football team, it's good enough for me.....' Oh Dear!

I must put on record that I've volunteered to drive the team to this weeks away match. Never let it be said that I don't pull my weight in the 'driving to away match' stakes. Admittedly I can't commit to driving anyone back home again, but the offer's there, it's well intentioned, and comes with virtually no strings attached... When I've extracted the current mileage rate from Fiona I'll be happy to firm the offer up and put it in writing.

Next Match (Away): Spread Eagle, Cottingham - Tomorrow

The Secret to Success - Pt.1

Another hard-fought win just over the border in Leicestershire last night. The Beer Leg in particular went to the wire, with a little bit of luck swinging the result the Red Lion way. It's now 'Played 7, won 6'. Woo-Hoo!

Whilst it would be true to say that Red Lion stalwarts Jo, John and Kev were the high-scoring stars of the evening, I feel I must highlight my own crucial role in the success of the team. I don't think it would be too much of an exaggeration to say the successful outcome of last nights game was largely the result of my own humble position in the team. Oh yes! Credit where credit's due, I played a blinder. A steady, solid performance at the bar, combined with morale-boosting support for our team mates at the table. A cool head throughout the match, my concentration rarely wavered from start to nail-biting finish. What a performance!

You'll probably have guessed by now that I was unceremoniously dropped from the team last night...

I knew it was coming. You really can't play with such a combination of 'gross mediocrity' and 'total lack of consistency' (Kev's words, not mine) without the prospect of being (ahem!) 'rested'. Fair play to team captain Fiona 'Still a bit Hungover from Sunday' Barby, who's ruthless hacking and slashing of the team over the last few months have gotten us where we are today. When asked to comment on the current team selection, Fiona said '...it's my ruthless Hacking & Slashing of the team that's got us where we are today...' before putting a large cross against my name for showing dissent.

Anyway. Practice! Practice! Practice! That's the game plan. With practice comes improvement. With practice comes the chance of redemption. With practice comes the opportunity to try more of the Red Lion's ex-Beer Festival stock... I'm committed, I'm determined, I'm ready to force my way back into the Red Lion Tuesday 'B' Skittles Team. 'I must, I must, Improve my Thrust; I must, I must....'

Beer Report:

The Shoulder of Mutton resides in the pretty village of Great Bowden. The village is home to a couple of pubs, a tidy village green, an expensive Deli, and the kennels of the Fernie Hunt hounds. I think you get the picture...

Marstons Pedigree and Black Sheep Bitter are the usual offerings at the Shoulder of Mutton, both of which were in good nick. There's usually a Guest Beer too. We'd just missed Fullers London Pride by the looks of it (no great loss for me, I'm not too keen on London brown beers), but ready to come on was something more interesting from a Derby micro. What it was I'll never know, as it still wasn't pouring by the time we left for home. C'est La Vie.

Next (Away) Match: Catholic Club 'B', Market Harborough (22nd June)

It's Oh So Quiet...

The Red Lion Tuesday skittles team snooze quietly in a corner of the bar...

This week we have a Bye in the Knockout Cup so no skittling action again. Just as well really, it was always going to be difficult throwing cheeses over hay bales and beer barrels in the Red Lion bar! The venerable skittles table is being decommissioned for the duration of the forthcoming Welland Valley Beer Festival. A wise decision I think, copious quantities of real ale and traditional cider don't generally mix well with the throwing of lumps of wood around the bar.

In the absence of any developments in the Market Harborough Tuesday League, here's the first of an occasional series, 'Skittles Tables of Northamptonshire & Leicestershire'. Enjoy...

Cherry Tree, Little Bowden, Market Harborough

Next Game: Shoulder of Mutton, Great Bowden (Away)

Another Win. No Bull!

So we finally made it to Arthingworth, a fair-weather destination close to absolutely nowhere in particular. John took us on another fabulous rollercoaster ride down narrow, potholed lanes, winding our way through snow-flecked fields to the cosy Bulls Head, a pub with a reputation for fine ales and the worlds smallest skittling area... possibly.

So isolated is the village of Arthingworth that it's frequently offered as an explanation for the large number of Byes in the Tuesday Harborough League. Rumours abound of hapless skittles teams setting off for the Bulls Head, blithely entering the mysterious area known locally as the Arthingworth Rectangle, never to be seen again...

It's a strange and spooky stretch of countryside for sure. A place of eerie flickering lights in the night and other strange spectral happenings. Some say it's the work of wicked Will 'O Wisps, bearing their guttering Faerie Candles in the dark, sent to lure unwary travellers to their doom. A more prosaic explanation... A hopelessly lost Northants Skittler, vainly attempting to light a roll-up at another baffling crossroads. Who knows. One thing's for sure, Sat-Nav won't help you here. The notorious Arthingworth Rectangle, a place even Google Street View fear to go...

Unexplained 'Cheese Shaped' object photographed over Arthingworth last Tuesday

Once in the safety of the Slaughtered Lamb.... er, Bulls Head, a warm welcome and a pint of Thwaites Lancaster Bomber or Original awaited (the Batemans had just gone, Bah!). Expectations were high, the Bulls Head being a regular Good Beer Guide entry, and whilst I wouldn't say that Thwaites beers set my heart racing, they were certainly in fine fettle on the night.

The skittles table is a fine old specimen, wedged in the corner of a small games room off the main bar. Set on the diagonal, possibly as an aid to banish evil spirits, though more likely to help achieve the minimum throwing distance. A difficult table to get the hang of, though some did (yes, that's you Kev). Needless to say I didn't, throwing 5's, 7's and everything in between. We won, and helped boost the Beer Leg fund too. Team captain Fiona 'You're All Dropped' Barby was so pleased with the performance she's given the whole team two weeks off for a spot of R&R. Yay!

We also managed to find our way home... Phew!

Catholic Clubbing

In the short time I've been skittling around the clubs and pubs of our little corner of Northants and Leics, I've been pleasantly surprised at how many of the social clubs are now offering a real ale or two. Perhaps it's a misconception on my part, but clubs have certainly had a reputation amongst beer drinkers for being the last bastions of fizzy, tasteless keg beer. In fact I can only think of two occasions where just keg beers was available, and real ale is now widespread in this part of clubland.

The Catholic Club in Market Harborough is a case in point, with Everards Tiger and a Guest Beer available at all times. On this weeks visit the guest was Charles Wells Bombadier, but a cursory look at the bar, festooned as it is with hundreds of pump clips, reveals the wide range of beers which have previously been available. It's a cosy little club too, and one that's fast becoming a favourite of mine.

The skittles table is a favorite of mine too, not least because I've conspired to win a bit on it whenever I've played at the Catholic Club. It's a low-slung Leicestershire table, with a reputation for high scores, though sadly not when I'm throwing. Kev's 7-1 win was the highlight, with Fiona 'The Taxi' Barby taking the endurance crown for a hard-fought game that seemed to go on forever.................

So it's played two, won two, with things quite literally 'hotting up' for a Summer of skittling fun and games. Fun is of course, optional...

I leave you with a some hot video action of a clinical Nine on the venerable Red Lion table.


Next Week (Home): Spread Eagle, Cottingham